Thursday, August 19, 2004

The British Winter

So Autumn started almost two weeks ago. Hmmm.. I thought it seemed darker.

If like me you suffer terribly in the dark days of winter, then you should be just as wary as I am of the movement of seasons. Britain has dark winters, which although not terribly cold compared to Russia or even Germany, are made even darker by persistent cloud cover over the winter months. The Netherlands has similar conditions, while the Scandinavian countries have even more depressing winters.

This is a fact not sufficiently explained to or understood by the millions of people from sunnier climates that once belonged to the British Empire. I can personally vouch for my experience, that no amount of hearsay about the British winter can possibly prepare you for the reality. The grimness of a sunless British winter is something you can deny and ignore for maybe the first few years of your residence. But in the end it envelopes you and tests your genetic suitability to this part of the world.

Modern Technology, cheap central heating, double glazing, and cheap flights to escape to Spain or India may extend the survival of this climate by those that aren't blessed with:
  • plenty of skin fat,
  • storages of Vitamin D,
  • skin that allows enough of the little sunshine into it, to allow the manufacture of Vitamin D
  • Intestinal digestive systems that allow higher absorption and assimilation of Vitamin D from food sources
  • Bodies with a low surface area to volume ratio (i.e.rounded, stocky and plump bodies)
  • brains that thrive on the Aural as opposed to being dependent on the Visual
  • Any other genes from people who have evolved in Indoors/Cave civilisations. This can include those where the women are kept indoors all day as part of the culture.

I am blessed with none of these. To put it scientifically, the British Winter fucking scares the shit out of me. I know it will be the death of me, and every winter I wonder if this will be the one. Whatever people call it, Seasonal Affected Disorder or whathaveyou, I fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking hate it.

So it's time to batten down the hatches. Summer's gone. Winter's coming. I am going into battle.


1 comment:

Astolath said...

Seems that we're polar opposites when it comes to the seasons...

I'm definately an autumnal person and I enjoy the winter months too. There's something exciting about that chill in the air, Bonfire Night, Halloween, expectations of Christmas that I find intoxicating.

On the other hand, I could gladly hibernate through summer. Heat, bugs, sweaty tube trains, humid nights and the Great British public's sudden need to dress for summer. All those fat arses, cellulite filled shorts and worst of all - sandals!

Yeeukkh!