"I'm sorry to hear about your Dad", in the standard condolence tone of voice, is getting on my tits now.
Yeah, well, he's dead now, so he doesn't care now does he? And while he was dying slowly and painfully, I wasn't getting as much sympathy as projected fear. And when the help was needed it wasn't much there. So what is the point of condolences NOW?
Only one person so far has had the intelligence to say: "I suppose you are all eager to get on with your lives now.." She is 75, so SHE knows the difference between people who are bereaved suddenly or bereaved gradually.
Indeed. If I were so stupid to have not done most of my painful mourning before he died, having had so much time and warning, I wouldn't need condolences anyway! I'd need a brain transplant! So, yessirree I want to get on with my life. I don't need condolences NOW. I needed them while he was dying. NOW I'd rather have a job. Even a blow job. Or just filthy amounts of cash would do. Or even just a smattering of useful intelligence would be preferable to:
"I'm SO SORRY to HEAR ABOUT YOUR...."