The film, Gods and Monsters, with the powerful Ian McKellen and the beautiful Brendan Fraser, was made in 1998. Why is it that I only saw it tonight for the first time? I was deeply touched. This should be on the course material list for a bachelor's (sic) degree in How to Survive as a Gay Man. It focusses every gay man's deepest fear: of reaching the age when you have lost it all.
I have met so many gay men in my life that were fleeing from this. When they come up to 30, they think they're past it. Then they come up to 40, and they think they're past it. And the 50 year olds laugh at them and the 60 year olds laugh at the 50 year olds.
And as they flee from this, the reckless roads they explore! All roads lead to London. The mistakes they make! All mistakes are fully stocked and always available in London. The prices they pay! All purchases can be paid for by credit in the currency of chance. All would be fine if the mistakes hurt no one and left no lasting damage, but luck and chance are not the same.
When there are monsters, and you look for gods,
Beautiful gods to save you from your monsters,
You try one god, then the next,
Then another, not finding him,
The godly bodies having godless souls,
Still trying, near despairing,
You try the places where the gods are monsters,
Asking them to be your monster, wearing the face of a god,
you using these godmonsters to fight your monsters,
Until one day everywhere you look
you see monsters,
More monsters than you started with,
And you don't know where you are,
Or how this has made you a man,
...Maybe you should have seen this movie and saved yourself all that fucking trouble, gas masks and all...