Sunday, May 16, 2004

Hmmm boring.

The cops are still at it. Major forensic exercise going on here, with one block of Capel Road cut off, and a chunk of Wanstead Flats off limits. Looks like it must be a suspected homicide.


Cycled into town & back again. Probably even quieter than it was last Sunday, yet it was an even milder evening. What can you say about London, when after cycling 24 miles there and back, the only noticeably intriguing sound of life spilling out onto the street came from the pub in Forest Gate which is operating as a West African disco.

So, as I was intending to write this letter, before I met Beautiful Man:

Dear Osama,

Guess what? Your plan worked! It was a bit over the top, but you managed to stop Western Civilization dead in its tracks.

You don't even need to bother coming to London, now. It is already so dull, that without even shaking your fist at it, you have somehow killed it off for ever. Wow, that's real classy power! Where did you learn that from, a James Bond movie?

The best part of your plan is that the suckers still think you've lost! Amazing.... Oh well, win, or lose, what does it matter? It was just that you wanted to make up the rules of the game! And now they are somewhere in there, between Rules 34 and 45, and also between Rules 165 and 230.

Did you hear also? They're giving women the vote in KUWAIT! That's just what you thought they would do. So the pressure will soon spread to Saudi, which will really piss them off! Your mom won't believe it when it finally happens: wow, she is going to be SO excited. Something that she never dared to dream!

By the way, I'm not really clear about some of the oil aspects of your plan. Of course you know, that they know, that they are going to run out of oil. And that they know, that you know that. But I thought it would have been far more of a nasty shock if you had let them carry on partying up to 2015, then wake up the next morning and find out that they can't afford to put the kettle on for a cup of tea! I mean, what you've done has just alerted them to the whole nasty problem of Oil. Which means they're going to bring back their nuclear energy programmes, and the sideshoot of that will be a return to building nuclear military muscle. Won't that kind of backfire on you? Because then they will be REAL bullies, and what chance would you have then?

Oh, now I remember! Yes, you explained that they would probably end up wiping out each other's cities, since they have more sophisticated targeting and focussing nuclear warheads, while leaving the land relatively untouched. Then we'll all be back to the land and growing beards like yours out of necessity! And having to go back to collecting manure for cooking fuel.

It's a good plan, you know. Clever in a way, though its execution was REALLY harsh. And to think that you're a vegetarian, aren't you?

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